I have a confession for you; I’m not that strong. I have let fear define most of my life. It’s defining me still. I sit on the corner of almost successful & almost the right weight, engine idling. And, I’m crying.
In my life I’ve dreamed big. I’m smart, charismatic, motivated, and talented. I’ve done little with that. I’m an artist, a poet, a spazz, an athlete. Yet, I sit behind a desk counting numbers, ensuring accuracy, being precise. I sit there so I can hear “good job” and receive enough money to “get by” while my soul yearns to break free.
When I was a little girl I wanted to dance and sing. One day I convinced my parents to take me to a dance class. They drove me there and dropped me off outside. I started to walk toward the door but I froze in fear. What if I’m no good? What if they laugh at me? What if they hate me? I hid behind the building and cried. When my parents picked me up an hour later, I told them it wasn’t very fun or worth the money. I never went back. My inner dancer still hates me for this.
This is a recurring pattern through my life. I’ve done everything I can to go unnoticed, to slip through the cracks, to not fail. I see so many doing the same. That is failure though. Isn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried. I try. I try. The 1st sign of backlash, doubt, or change, and I head back to my intersection and put the car in neutral.
When I started with Visalus at the end of 2011 I was driven like never before. I wasn’t only trying, I was doing. I was taking chances, working hard, changing my stars. Money was rolling in. Then it happened, I asked my closest friends and family to join me. The negativity, the silence, the unfriending… it wasn’t just a little upsetting, it was downright hurtful. To stop talking to me because I’m changing my life and ask if you want to? In what world does that make sense? So, I went back to the intersection.
If you were one of these “friends”, don’t get upset. I’m not calling you out by name. I’m not saying this is your fault. I’m saying I shouldn’t have let you affect me like this. I’m saying I won’t any longer. I will no longer be who you want, I will be who I am.
See, I don’t just have a dream. I have a plan, a vision, a life purpose beyond these numbers. I have a wonderful team I work with. A team with this same vision. I have a wonderful group of challengers that are working towards their health. I owe it to them to be 100% there for them.
I am done with fear. I’m pushing past it. I will do everything I can and should. I will succeed. I will help you if you want to do the same. I will. Whatever you do in this life, stop letting fear define you. Don’t listen to that voice. Just keep going. It will be worth it. I have faith.
I wish you peace, prosperity, love, & all your heart desires.
Esther
http://EstherStJames.com
Esther St.James 